Tent to tenancy

[00:00:23] Speaker A: Welcome back to Shipwagon. Stories on house and unheard. I. Hi. I'm your host, Scott labonte. Today we're sharing a story of struggle, survival, and strength, and it's one that hits close to home for a lot of people in our community. Amanda is someone who's walked the path from addiction and instability, through the system of rehab and shelter, and finally into her own place. I try to keep these episodes relatively short usually, but today may be a little out of the ordinary. We first met Amanda in the very early days of Pay it Forward when we were doing our public Christmas drives. She was on the donor side of Pay it Forward back then, and as we all know, life can take some unexpected turns, and she ended up at her center as one of our peers. She has become part of our family. Amanda, thank you for sitting down with me. I know this isn't always easy to talk about. So, first of all, how are you doing today? [00:01:08] Speaker B: I'm good. [00:01:09] Speaker A: Good, good. [00:01:10] Speaker B: I feel good. [00:01:10] Speaker A: Awesome. Well, let's start right at the beginning. Can you take us back to the first time you realized that you may have to live on the streets? What was going through your mind? [00:01:20] Speaker B: So, really, to be honest with you, I wasn't even thinking about being homeless in the moment. I was involved in a pretty domestic, violent relationship. And for me, in the moment, it was like a life or death situation. I had no idea what to do next, what was the right thing to do. And I had decided there was a lot of police contact in my home looking for my abuser. And my landlords had come one day, and he was in jail at the time and said, I think it's best we part ways. And so I. I agreed because I thought, okay, wow, this might be my chance. [00:02:07] Speaker A: Right. Can finally get away from this. [00:02:09] Speaker B: Yes. So I left there in December of 2022, and I left literally every single thing I owned behind. So it was like all my son's things, my things, his things, everything. I just walked out and I. The relationship had been violent for, like, seven months or so. It was a great relationship at first, but something changed, and I. In the process of all that, my son was removed from our house. That was probably my biggest turning point in downfall. When he was taken from my home, I spiraled. [00:02:54] Speaker A: Right. I. I can't imagine. [00:02:55] Speaker B: Yeah, it was. That was my little best friend. We did every. Every single thing together. So when he was removed, I. And that was in August of 2022. I just didn't know what to do anymore. So I had fallen back pretty heavily into addiction at that point. So In December of 2022, I. When I left the house, I went to. To treatment. I went to Rogers Behavioral Health, the inpatient in Brown Deer, and then was accepted into their supportive living home, where I think I stayed for 40. I. I don't. I don't remember. Two months or something. One and a half months. And when I. When I completed that program, I didn't have anywhere to go. [00:03:44] Speaker A: Right. [00:03:45] Speaker B: So I. And there was no. I didn't. I did not know what I was. [00:03:49] Speaker A: Walking into, you know, and I hear that a lot. Like, they. They. Whether it be hospitals, rehab, whatever it is, when it's time to turn you out, they turn you out regardless of where you have to go. [00:04:01] Speaker B: Exactly. Yep. And so I. And at this point, I had lived alone for. Oh, my God, so many. Since I was 18 years old. You know, I went to college in Milwaukee and I was on my own. So I was 32 years old. And really, like, at this point in my life, I wasn't ready to swallow my pride, I guess you would say. [00:04:25] Speaker A: Right. [00:04:26] Speaker B: And I didn't really want to ask for help from anyone. I thought I had it all figured out, but I was so wrong. I was so wrong. So I went to Milwaukee with somebody I met from rehab, which was the worst, like, a terrible mistake that I made, and ended up coming back to Sheboygan after a while. And that's really when I started, like, oh, God, I have no money. I have nowhere to go. And so a friend let me in. And that's when, you know, the person who was no good for my life, who got me, you know, to the point where I was. Started to kind of find me. And, you know, he would come to these houses I was staying at, and it was just best for me in my head at that point to. I got rid of my phone, I got rid of anywhere I was staying, and I went and stayed on the beach at Vollrath. [00:05:31] Speaker A: Wow. Does it finally start to sink in at that point going, wow, this is real, this. [00:05:35] Speaker B: Yeah, it was like. There was a lot of points where I was like, what is. Like, I could never in a million years have imagined my life going this. [00:05:45] Speaker A: Way, spiraling to that extent and. And relatively quickly. [00:05:50] Speaker B: So quick. It was fast, really fast. And I would wake up every morning on the beach. I think this is. You still had the loc. The pay it forward location on Michigan Avenue. [00:06:07] Speaker A: Yep. [00:06:07] Speaker B: We would. I was always with somebody. We would go grab some breakfast or some lunch. Never know what time it was because never charged Phone or anything like that. [00:06:18] Speaker A: It didn't matter at that point. [00:06:19] Speaker B: Yep. But thirsty and hungry, you know, you don't have all that stuff with you. And it's hot outside, so you're drinking water that's warmer than. [00:06:28] Speaker A: Right. And the stuff that you don't normally think about. [00:06:31] Speaker B: Right. And then. I don't know, it just. I never really ever like the question you asked, you know, when did I start thinking? Just. I never thought or prepared myself for it. It just happened, you know, And I think that's kind of what happens a lot of times. It's just like, people just find themselves in. What in the world am I going to do? [00:06:53] Speaker A: Just kind of thrown into it, like, well, here you go. Sink or swim. [00:06:56] Speaker B: Yep. [00:06:57] Speaker A: Wow. Holy geez. I can't even imagine. [00:07:01] Speaker B: Yeah, there was a lot in the middle too, you know, couch hopping. And I remember I was thinking yesterday, I was like, drove past a house, and it was. We had been let in the house at one point, and it was a property they were going to be redoing. And then they later decided they were going to sell it, so they locked it back up. But we would, like, sleep in the garage there. You know, we had on a hard concrete floor in the garage. And it's not funny, but sometimes I have to, like, chuckle about it because I could just. [00:07:31] Speaker A: Right. You have to laugh about it because, you know, you get to that point where you don't. You know, you never imagine that's the turn your life would be exactly. You know, and that's where you'd end up. Were there moments that made you think, I can't do this anymore? [00:07:46] Speaker B: Oh, my goodness, a lot, a lot. I would think probably every day, like, ugh, I'm just done with this. I don't want to do it. And I would kind of go back between, like, do I just disappear and run away from this whole area? Do I go to treatment or what? What was the right thing to do? You know, Like, I, I. I struggled a lot with, like, not feeling worthy of anything anymore, you know, I felt like I lost my son. That was my purpose. I have no more purpose. I felt like I couldn't. There was nothing I could do. Right. To get him back because I felt so far in a hole that I. Every time I felt like I took one step forward, a whole, like, bunch of dirt crumbled on me. It was kind of like I just. [00:08:31] Speaker A: Like every step you took, there was something to knock you back further. [00:08:34] Speaker B: Yep. And it was hard. [00:08:37] Speaker A: Right. [00:08:39] Speaker B: And I explain it a lot to A lot of people who ask me too is like when you ask an addict to do something and there's this a hardship along the way. What seems like a little speed bump for you for an addict is like climbing over a mountain in my, In a. At a homeless, nowhere to go kind of thing. It's like a mountain to climb over. It's not easy. You know, a lot of times, well, I surely did not have a vehicle, I didn't have money. I A lot of times didn't have a charged phone. It was, you know, a phone number that I would have for a long period of time at all because I probably couldn't pay the next bill. So it was never like you just no address to send mail to. [00:09:26] Speaker A: True. [00:09:28] Speaker B: So what was. It was easy for me. Now where I am today, like a little stumble is. A little stumble is not nearly as hard. But I've felt those mountains before. Wow. [00:09:42] Speaker A: So you had mentioned you had spent time in a rehab facility. Can you talk about what that experience was like emotionally, mentally, physically? [00:09:50] Speaker B: Yeah, I had spent. I went to three treatments, three treatment programs. I went to the one in Rogers, here in Sheboygan. I went twice actually. And it. That was just not long enough for me. I had already been so far in the hole and I was really connected to a community that I shouldn't have been connected to or that made it a struggle. And in October of 2023 I found out I was pregnant actually while trying to get into a rehab facility. And I was at the K1 in, in Aurora. I'm not sure if I should say it out like this, but I found out I was pregnant while I was there and I slept for four days straight. I was so. I was so confused, so lost. I didn't know what to do. And I hadn't gone to any of their groups so they told me I needed to discharge. [00:10:56] Speaker A: So. [00:10:59] Speaker B: I was like, I'm just so. I don't know what to do. I'm so upset and like I don't, you know, so many emotions. I don't have my son. How in the world I'm an active addiction. How can I possibly, like, how can I. [00:11:10] Speaker A: How do I continue from here? [00:11:12] Speaker B: So I got out of that and I really honestly I went to after that and I'll just be honest because things like this happen. One of the biggest drug benders of my life when they released me from there and thankfully I got arrested in the middle of it and I went to jail for quite some time, 50 something days. And I got out and I went to Rogers again, and I was sober. And one day. I don't know what happened in January, but this, when I was pregnant, was probably the worst part of my time being homeless. It was freezing cold outside. I was four months or three or four months pregnant, you know, walking from the warming shelter to the pay it forward with suitcases. I think I got Covid in the middle of it. I got the flu in the middle of it. I. And I was just not well. And I was trying to stay positive through all of it, but one day something snapped in my head and I relapsed again. And one of the moments of, I can't do this anymore. And so I just fell back on my understandable old ways. Yeah. And I'm not proud of it, but when I finally, like, snap back into reality, I did go to K1 or I tried. I went to the hospital, and I was arrested in the hospital. And I don't know whether you say, thank God for this or what. [00:12:48] Speaker A: Right. [00:12:48] Speaker B: But in the moment, I was so mad. But it ended up being really what saved my life. My probation officer, she would not listen to anything I was saying. I tried so hard to get out of this, but she sent me to a treatment facility in Madison called Arc Mothers and Infants Program, where I stayed for six months. I ended up. Well, the program is for pregnant mothers who are in addiction, and you have your babies there, and then they do a lot of things to help you get any kids that you may not have and help you. I don't know. They just helped me, period. It was, like, exactly where I needed to be, no matter how bad I did not want to be there. [00:13:35] Speaker A: How much you're thinking at the time, this isn't where I'm supposed to be or this isn't the way I thought it was going to go. [00:13:40] Speaker B: Yes, exactly. And it was hard. It was so hard, you know, pregnant, having a baby, and then you have the baby and you're so far from everybody. I was so far from, you know, my family. I had burned all the bridges with my family at this point, so trying to rekindle relationships. But I'll say, like, I hadn't seen my son in a year, and I saw him there. They had. CPS had set up a program where they drove him there, and I got to see him every other week. [00:14:15] Speaker A: Perfect. [00:14:16] Speaker B: And I had my daughter there, and she was not taken from me, which was a thought that could have happened. And I just, like, I can't thank them enough at this point or my. Honestly, my probation Officer, I tell her thank you every time I see her now. But in the moment, I was going. [00:14:36] Speaker A: To say at the time, it was probably not exactly what you were thinking. [00:14:39] Speaker B: I really made every excuse to not go. [00:14:42] Speaker A: Wow. [00:14:43] Speaker B: But I sat there and she gave me an option. She put me on a 60 day sanction or on the same day leave to go to rehab. And I went to rehab and I made the hard decision, but I had. It had to be done. [00:14:58] Speaker A: Right. You know, that's one of those. We talk about Kathleen and I talk about that quite a bit. You know, the path you're on is hard. Changing that path is hard. Choose your hard. [00:15:08] Speaker B: Yeah, that's. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations. [00:15:12] Speaker A: Absolutely. You know, nothing is going to change unless you take that step and put yourself into that, you know, out of the ordinary, out of the norm, where you're used to your comfort zone. Step out of that and say, okay, we really have to do this. [00:15:26] Speaker B: Yeah. And what I will say is that there was never a day that I was at rehab that was harder than the day I was in active addiction. So the hard days were hard, but they were never as hard as wondering where was I going to go to bed, where was I going to go to the bathroom, what was I going to eat, was I going to be able to drink something? [00:15:45] Speaker A: Any of that stuff that we don't normally think about, you know, typically until you're in that position and then it becomes right in the forefront and it's like, wow, you know, what do we do? [00:15:56] Speaker B: At some, it seems in the moment the easy route out. Right. To go the active addiction route. But it's not easy. [00:16:03] Speaker A: No. So then after the rehab, you were able to come back and stay with your dad? [00:16:11] Speaker B: After the rehab, I went to Bridgeway. And actually while I was in rehab would be a moment where I really thought, oh my God, am I gonna be homeless again? Like with no roof over my head with a three month old baby? Because as I was saying before, when you get out of rehab, there's not a lot of places in Sheboygan to go. And there's definitely not a lot of places with a baby. [00:16:36] Speaker A: Right. [00:16:38] Speaker B: So, you know, I had, and this is no one's fault but my own, burned my bridges with my family, you know, so they weren't. They wanted to see the actual change outside of being in a treatment facility. So their houses were not an option. And nothing seemed to be following through because I would apply for Lakeshore Cap, but I wasn't technically homeless. So you can't apply for that program until you are homeless. [00:17:08] Speaker A: Right. [00:17:09] Speaker B: And the Housing Authority, you can go on their wait list, but you're going. [00:17:14] Speaker A: To be way 500, 437 or whatever, you know, then the waiting list is insane. [00:17:21] Speaker B: Right. So I was not. Couldn't like Bridgeway was. I was on a wait list for that facility also. And I got out of treatment on a Tuesday, and I still, the week before, did not know where I was going. And I had. Was able to. You know, in that treatment facility, they helped you a lot with your resources. So I was taking advantage of the W2 resource that I got. So I had enough money saved up to buy an Airbnb for four days, but who the heck knew where I was gonna go after that, you know? [00:18:01] Speaker A: Right. [00:18:02] Speaker B: And thankfully, that Friday before I left, Bridgeway had called and there was a spot open for me. Yes. [00:18:09] Speaker A: Right. [00:18:10] Speaker B: So I went there. [00:18:12] Speaker A: Talk about timing. [00:18:13] Speaker B: Yeah. Yes. But things fall in place when you're doing the right things, is what I always remind myself. [00:18:19] Speaker A: Absolutely. Sometimes, you know, they're hard to see at that moment, but they do. [00:18:24] Speaker B: I remember I was in treatment and my daughter was on like, a. They were watching me closely even while I was in treatment, whether or not my daughter needed to be on a chips case. And they told me they would take her if I didn't have a place to go. And I remember just, oh, my God, the tears rolling on my face because I could not handle it. I was like, I'm trying so hard. [00:18:45] Speaker A: I'm trying everything. I got to get the first one back. And now you're talking. Wow. [00:18:51] Speaker B: Yes. So it was, thankfully, Bridgeway opened, and then. [00:18:58] Speaker A: Then you were at Bridgeway for a while. And then when you got out of that, were you back out on the streets or was that. [00:19:03] Speaker B: I went to my dad's. So Bridgeway was working out. They helped me out a lot. We ended on kind of shaky terms, I guess you would say. But nothing like, too serious, you know, but. But, you know, being in a facility, like, again, you know, take the hard road. [00:19:24] Speaker A: Yes. [00:19:24] Speaker B: Instead of the easy one. Because as much as I didn't want to go there, it's where I needed to be. Because transitioning from. And this is a suggestion I make to anyone that's getting out of rehab, transitioning back into the real world after rehab is hard after. No matter. No matter how many months or weeks or anything, you've been there because you're comfortable there. You get comfortable. [00:19:50] Speaker A: Right. [00:19:51] Speaker B: And then you're put back into an uncomfortable situation of, where do I go next? [00:19:57] Speaker A: And and run the possibility of your, you know, falling back into your old circle in your old path. [00:20:03] Speaker B: It's very easy to do. Yes. [00:20:05] Speaker A: Right. [00:20:05] Speaker B: When you have. No. As much as you think every. You know, as much as I thought I could do it on my own, I really couldn't, so. [00:20:14] Speaker A: So with being able to stay with your dad, how did that support you? And what were the challenges at that point of not having your own space? [00:20:22] Speaker B: Well, it's challenging anywhere to not have your own space. I. But it's just. Well, when you're staying with people that really want you to do so well, but they've never been down this path. [00:20:40] Speaker A: Quite, you know, can't wrap their head around it or get the full extent of what it all involves. [00:20:45] Speaker B: Exactly. And although everything they're saying makes perfect sense, it's just not the reality of what's going on. And so it's hard to explain. [00:20:54] Speaker A: Right. [00:20:55] Speaker B: To people and. But they also. I mean, it's my. It's my family. I love them. At the end of the day, no matter what, I was grateful that I was able to go there. But you're still also living under other people's rules. And at my. [00:21:10] Speaker A: I was gonna say you're an adult, you know. [00:21:12] Speaker B: Yes. My own kids. Right. [00:21:14] Speaker A: And, you know, and you kind of have to move back home, and you're like, you know. Right. [00:21:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:20] Speaker A: So let's talk about the moment that having your own place became possible. When did things start to shift for you? [00:21:28] Speaker B: It took a long time, and there was a lot of times where I thought, okay, I got this. You know, I had come up on the Sheboygan Housing Authority wait list, and I felt like I got this, you know, but that eviction that I got in 2022. [00:21:51] Speaker A: Right. [00:21:54] Speaker B: They turned me down. And there is like a program called VAWA or something. I don't know. I wouldn't say a program, but it's legal protection over women experiencing domestic violence. So I had done every. Like, I didn't know you were supposed to do that in the moment that this was all happening back in 2022. That's not where my mind was at that point. [00:22:17] Speaker A: And then two, you know. You know, I know it's an old cliche, but you don't know what you don't know. [00:22:20] Speaker B: Exactly. So I had gone to the courthouse. I had gone to Safe Harbor. Safe harbor actually helped me out a lot. We wrote a whole letter to them. We filled out all the forms, and I should have been able to have a second interview. But my eviction, they Just said no. So right then I was like, that was like a punch in my gut, you know, I felt like, okay, I waited. I got up on the list. [00:22:52] Speaker A: I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing here. I'm making progress, I'm making the right choices. But. But yet doors are closing. [00:22:59] Speaker B: Yes. And I had brought, you know, everything. I brought my certificate for graduating treatment just to show like I really am changing. [00:23:07] Speaker A: I'm working at this. Right. [00:23:08] Speaker B: And I need an opportunity. I need someone to believe in me. And it's hard when you go to try and make like the big steps when people just, that don't even. I guess it's like someone that doesn't know you, you know. [00:23:22] Speaker A: Right. [00:23:23] Speaker B: And, and they just tell you no. I had tried for like Eisner Court and just a whole bunch of low income properties and everywhere was turning me down. No, no, no. Eviction. Eviction, Eviction. And then. But I was like, oh my gosh. If you look back, you know, I've been on my own since I was 18 years old and I have one eviction and my whole, you know, we're. [00:23:50] Speaker A: Human, we screw up. [00:23:52] Speaker B: So it was discouraging. And I took a break from looking for housing for a minute because I was like, oh my gosh, I don't. This is. [00:24:03] Speaker A: Well, you get tired of thinking, you know, you're taking the forward steps and you're doing what's necessary, but yet nothing's happening. You know, it's not working out. The frustration level would be intense. [00:24:15] Speaker B: Yeah, it's bad. You just. Yes. And you're like, it's another one of these moments where you're like, g, I don't know if I can do this right. Yeah. But I didn't let that be an option. I was like, nope, we're going to do this. We're going to figure it out somewhere or another. But I did realize that although I am a single mom of, of my daughter who's with me full time and my son who's about to be with me full time, I'm not going to get into any room, low income or income based apartments. So I just started working really hard and saving money and looking and not letting, really looking for any ad that had no word eviction in it. [00:25:00] Speaker A: Right. [00:25:01] Speaker B: But I told everybody my story when I went in. This is what's happened and this is. [00:25:07] Speaker A: How I got to where I was. But that kind of goes to where we had talked about prior to turning on the mics and stuff. Being homeless, being an addict is A circumstance, it's a situation. It's not who you are that doesn't define you. [00:25:22] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:25:23] Speaker A: You know, and people need to realize that. They need to see beyond that. You know, people. People screw up. People trip and fall every once in a while. The important thing is getting back up. [00:25:32] Speaker B: Yes. And getting back up is really hard. So if you come across someone who's done it, you should definitely. [00:25:39] Speaker A: Huge. [00:25:39] Speaker B: Not just chop them off the block right away. [00:25:43] Speaker A: You know, we all deserve second chances. [00:25:45] Speaker B: Yes. [00:25:46] Speaker A: You know, I've done a lot of stuff in my life that not exactly proud of and didn't go the way I planned, you know, but. [00:25:51] Speaker B: Right. And I'm sure everybody has. [00:25:53] Speaker A: Absolutely. You know, so a lot of people think that getting the keys is the end of the story. What's something nobody tells you about moving into housing after being unhoused for so long? [00:26:07] Speaker B: You have nothing. You have nothing. I was gratefully. I don't know, everything just fell in place for me right when it needed to. But honestly, I had nothing when I got here. No couch. No. Well, I had a couch, actually, because thankfully my sister got a new one, so. Thank you, sister. But, you know, for a moment, I thought I had no beds, I had no blankets. I have no pots and pans, I have no plates. I have nothing. [00:26:40] Speaker A: I got four walls in a rough. But that's it. [00:26:42] Speaker B: Exactly. And that's scary. But it's expensive, so. [00:26:49] Speaker A: Right. Huge added cost that you don't really anticipate at that time. [00:26:53] Speaker B: Yes. And you've saved and saved and saved. But now you just did first month's rent and security deposit and. [00:26:59] Speaker A: Right. And now you need the pots and pan, you need blankets, you need, you know, everything else on top of this. It adds up quickly. [00:27:05] Speaker B: It does. But thankfully I was good. Things have been happening for me in the last two weeks, so I thank everybody who's helped. [00:27:15] Speaker A: That is awesome. So what does home mean to you now? [00:27:23] Speaker B: It's gonna mean something a lot more in a couple of weeks, but both of my kids and me in one. [00:27:29] Speaker A: Place, and that is awesome. I have to say. Congratulations. Thank you. Huge. [00:27:35] Speaker B: But just a place to come home after work and, you know, living in transitional housing or living with my dad, you know, it just always seemed so rushed. My life was so rushed because I. I don't know. I don't know why. It was because I was always felt like I had more. I always felt like if. Hey, if I relax for a second, but I still don't have my own place, I shouldn't really be relaxing. You know. [00:28:03] Speaker A: Right. [00:28:04] Speaker B: So now to just, like, be able to come home and take my shoes off and sit down on a couch and turn on my own TV show. [00:28:12] Speaker A: Right. Watch what you want to watch when. [00:28:15] Speaker B: You want to watch it, and not have to worry about my kids running or jumping through the house because. Are they making too much noise? Because you're always on eggshells. I was always. You know, when we lived in Bridgeway, there's. There's other families there and other kids, and I felt like I couldn't let my kids be themselves because there was a lot of rules to follow and. [00:28:36] Speaker A: You know, and after everything that you've been through to that point, you know, you get the mindset like, well, okay, we need to be. You're walking on eggshells, essentially, because you don't want to do something wrong and have them say, okay, sorry, you can't be here anymore. [00:28:50] Speaker B: Exactly. And that. Yep. That goes for anywhere you go. You know, you want to make sure that you're respecting everybody's things because it is not yours. [00:28:57] Speaker A: So you truly don't ever relax? [00:29:00] Speaker B: No. I don't think I had in quite some time. [00:29:04] Speaker A: Ouch. So what's one thing that you're proud of today that no one can take away from you? [00:29:11] Speaker B: How far I've came. [00:29:14] Speaker A: And you should. [00:29:15] Speaker B: Yes. Nobody can. People can say whatever they want about my past or anything, but no one will ever be able to take away where I came today. I'll never let anyone take away who I am today because it took me a long time to get back here. A lot of treatment, a lot of therapy, a lot of recovery coaches, you know, a lot of people to help me make. Help me feel like Amanda again. [00:29:41] Speaker A: A lot of very difficult paths. [00:29:43] Speaker B: Yes. And I. I learned the hard way when I let someone take that from me, and I will never let that happen again. [00:29:50] Speaker A: Right. Oh, that is absolutely awesome. If someone listening today is still in a place that you were in, still trying to find a way out, what would you want them to know? [00:30:01] Speaker B: This is a hard question for me because there's a lot of things. [00:30:04] Speaker A: There is. [00:30:06] Speaker B: I would say first, I'm always here if anyone needs to talk, because I know, like, the struggle is real. [00:30:13] Speaker A: It is. And oftentimes there's nobody that will listen. [00:30:16] Speaker B: Yes. And I am. I will never judge because I've done plenty of things in my life and that basically, that you're. You don't have to ever be alone. You know, like, truly, I'm always here if anyone needs to talk, talk, or feels Uncomfortable or doesn't know which way to turn or feels like this is the end of the road. If anyone needs help using their resources. Because I really use my resources and I learned a lot along the way. [00:30:51] Speaker A: And that's what they're there for. And people need to understand, you know, using those resources, asking for help isn't a sign of weakness. That's a sign of strength. Because, you know, you're taking that step, you're trying to move forward. [00:31:02] Speaker B: It's that swallowing pride thing. [00:31:04] Speaker A: Yes. [00:31:04] Speaker B: That I didn't do. [00:31:05] Speaker A: And I get that first. [00:31:06] Speaker B: Yep. Right. And it's hard. Yeah. You're definitely. Use your resources. One of my biggest, like, words of advice is put yourself in uncomfortable situations. [00:31:20] Speaker A: Yes. Choose your hard. [00:31:22] Speaker B: Yes. Yes. Choose your hard. Definitely. And don't ever be ashamed of your story. I had to learn that too, because I was embarrassed and ashamed for a long time. But behaviorally, I wouldn't be who I am today without that. [00:31:39] Speaker A: I was just gonna say it shaped who you've become exactly. You know, good, bad, or otherwise. It is. It is your path. It is your life. It is who you've become. [00:31:51] Speaker B: Right. And don't let anybody tell you no. [00:31:55] Speaker A: Right. [00:31:55] Speaker B: Don't take no, don't take no for an answer. And don't give up. Because a lot of times some places just want to see that you're persistent. [00:32:06] Speaker A: Right. To see if you're really serious about it. [00:32:10] Speaker B: And, you know, I know finding a job and all that stuff is at the bottom of the list, but hey, if you can just go in and get something right, try. Because you might run into owners of a job like mine who are amazing and have helped me, like, so much. I can't, like, thank them enough. And that might be your position too. This is, this is a hard question for me to answer because I've walked along with a lot of people that are still walking this path. [00:32:43] Speaker A: Yes. [00:32:45] Speaker B: I once considered them all a family as we walked back and forth to pay it forward. [00:32:51] Speaker A: It's a pretty tight knit community. [00:32:53] Speaker B: Yes. [00:32:53] Speaker A: And, you know, everybody looks out for each other. And, you know, I've seen that and I just, I like being a part of that as well. [00:33:03] Speaker B: Yes. [00:33:03] Speaker A: Because of the amount of compassion for each other. And, you know, everybody looks out for each other and makes sure that somebody's taken care of. If they haven't, you know, we even go to the point, you know, if we haven't seen somebody in a couple days, we'll ask around going, hey, you know, where's so and so? I haven't seen them, is everything okay? And if they don't know, they're usually pretty good at, you know, finding somebody that says, okay, where is whoever? [00:33:26] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:26] Speaker A: And come back and say, okay, they're fine. [00:33:29] Speaker B: I think I've experienced that before. Yes. And just basically that no matter what you're doing today does not mean that it has to be the same thing you're doing in a week and that you're worth it and you can do it. Anybody can. And that it gets better. [00:33:52] Speaker A: That is awesome. That is definitely awesome. So Amanda's story is one of many, a reminder that the path to housing isn't always straight, easy, or even visible at first, but it is possible. And if her journey moved you, we hope that you'll share this episode, help others understand what it really takes to go from surviving to living. You can listen to more of these [email protected] or wherever you get your podcast. And as always, keep your heart open and pay it forward.