Episode Transcript
[00:00:23] Welcome back to Sheboygan Stories Unhoused and Unheard Of. I'm Scott labonte.
[00:00:28] Last episode, Kathleen and I talked about some of the hard truths about helping things people don't always see when it comes to homelessness and running a space for those in need.
[00:00:39] After that episode, one thought kept coming back to me.
[00:00:42] If helping isn't as simple as people think, then what actually does help?
[00:00:48] Because there are a lot of assumptions out there.
[00:00:51] People think it's just about giving someone money or giving them a place to stay or just pointing them in the right direction.
[00:01:00] And while those things can matter, they're usually not the whole picture.
[00:01:05] So today I want to talk about what we saw firsthand.
[00:01:09] Not theories, not opinions, but what actually made a difference in people's lives during our time running Pay It Forward Day Center.
[00:01:20] If I had to pick one thing, just one, that made the biggest difference, it would be relationships.
[00:01:29] Not programs, not policies.
[00:01:33] People taking the time to actually sit down with someone, to learn their name, to hear their story, and to treat them like a human being.
[00:01:47] Because a lot of the people that we worked with felt invisible or they felt judged or simply written off.
[00:01:57] And sometimes the first step wasn't housing or a job.
[00:02:01] Sometimes the first step was just someone listening.
[00:02:09] Now, that might not sound like much, but when someone hasn't felt heard in a long time, it matters more than people realize.
[00:02:21] Another thing we learned pretty quickly was that progress doesn't usually happen in big, dramatic moments. And we talked about this a few episodes back.
[00:02:30] We talked about it is not a linear process. There are bumps and hiccups and forward and backwards.
[00:02:40] And it's not something that happens quickly.
[00:02:44] It happens in small, consistent ones.
[00:02:50] It's someone coming in every day, sitting in the same chair, having the same cup of coffee, starting to feel a sense of routine.
[00:03:00] And over time, those small moments start to build trust.
[00:03:07] And trust is where change starts.
[00:03:11] Not in one big decision, but a hundred small ones.
[00:03:15] And I think that's something that people don't always see.
[00:03:19] They want to see this big success story. They want to see this big turnaround.
[00:03:24] But most of the work happens somewhere in the middle, in the quiet, everyday moments that don't always make headlines.
[00:03:34] One of the most important lessons that we learned was that you can't help someone by forcing them into where you think that they should be.
[00:03:43] And we learned that lesson the hard way a couple times.
[00:03:47] It took us a few to get it through our thick skulls. Apparently, You have to meet them where they're at, and that can be hard and that was what we had learned.
[00:04:04] What we thought people needed or what we thought would have been best for somebody wasn't always the case.
[00:04:17] You got to meet them where they're at.
[00:04:20] Because sometimes where someone is at isn't where you want them to be.
[00:04:28] They might still be struggling with addiction.
[00:04:31] They might not be ready to work.
[00:04:33] They might not trust the system or the services.
[00:04:37] And if you try to push too fast, you're going to lose them.
[00:04:42] Helping isn't about control. It's about walking alongside someone at their pace.
[00:04:49] And that doesn't mean lowering your expectations. It means understanding that change looks different for everyone.
[00:04:58] And with that being said, this is something we talked about last episode, too.
[00:05:04] Accountability still matters.
[00:05:08] Helping someone doesn't mean ignoring behaviors that are harmful, harmful to themselves, harmful to others.
[00:05:16] At Pay it Forward, we had boundaries.
[00:05:19] We had expectations.
[00:05:22] Our rules were very clearly posted all over the place in our center, and there was consistent consequences. If you broke those rules. Didn't matter if I was there, if Kathleen was there, or one of our volunteers were there. If you broke the rules, this is what's going to happen. Our consequences were also very clearly listed. So you knew well in advance if you did this, this is what's going to happen to you.
[00:05:45] There was no ifs, ands, or buts.
[00:05:48] And we did that not because we wanted to control people, but because we wanted to create a space that was safe and respectful for everyone.
[00:05:59] And sometimes those boundaries were the very things that helped someone take the step forward, because structure can be stabilizing. It gives people something to hold on to.
[00:06:14] Another thing that I've been thinking about a lot lately is how community makes a difference.
[00:06:20] We couldn't do what we did alone, not even close.
[00:06:25] Everything we built at Pay it Forward was because of this community.
[00:06:30] People donated food, businesses stepped up, volunteers gave their time, and people showed up.
[00:06:37] And we appreciated that.
[00:06:43] I tried to be pretty vocal on Facebook, in our groups and stuff like that to show our appreciation, but we really did appreciate that. We appreciated the community support, and that's what made the difference.
[00:06:58] Not one program, not one organization, but a community that cared.
[00:07:05] And I'm still seeing that today in different ways and from different people.
[00:07:10] That same willingness to step up.
[00:07:13] And that gives me hope.
[00:07:17] So with the of course there has to be a flip side.
[00:07:20] With the what does help? Of course there has to be a what doesn't help.
[00:07:27] And maybe that's just as important as what does help.
[00:07:33] Judgment doesn't help.
[00:07:35] Assumptions don't help.
[00:07:37] Talking about people instead of to them. Doesn't help.
[00:07:42] Expecting overnight change doesn't help.
[00:07:46] And honestly, trying to fix someone without understanding them doesn't help either.
[00:07:54] Because this isn't about fixing people, it's about supporting them.
[00:08:04] At the end of the day, there is no one size fits all answer to homelessness.
[00:08:12] There's no single program or solution that's going to fix everything.
[00:08:16] But there are things that make a difference.
[00:08:20] Things like relationships, consistency, patience, boundaries, and community.
[00:08:30] Those are the things that we saw work not perfectly and not every time, but enough to matter.
[00:08:42] And maybe, just maybe, that's when helping really is not solving everything at once, but showing up consistently in ways that matter.
[00:09:04] So in closing, I guess thank you all again for the support that you gave to pay it forward and the support you're giving to the Warming center to support our peers.
[00:09:17] It doesn't go unnoticed and it is very much appreciated.
[00:09:23] And also, thank you for listening to Sheboygan stories on Housed and Unheard.
[00:09:28] If this episode meant something to you, I'd encourage you to follow the podcast and share it with someone else.
[00:09:35] It's on pretty much every streaming platform you can think of.
[00:09:40] On Amazon, it's on Spotify, it's on YouTube, it's on Apple Music, it's out there.
[00:09:47] Just search up Sheboygan stories and it will show up.
[00:09:52] Because these conversations matter.
[00:09:56] So as always, keep your heart open and pay it forward.
[00:10:08] Sam.
